It's Halloween night, so gather 'round the campfire and let ol' TUG tell you some tales of horror.
-On a dark and scary night, much like this one, I saw John Brantley throw a pass that was batted up into the air at the line of scrimmage. The ball came down right into John's hands, but he was already on the ground and lost yardage!
-On that very same night, I received a call from the police and they told me the shitty offense was coming from...INSIDE THE STADIUM!
-A year ago, this week, I saw six turnovers in a game against a bitter rival.
-Eight weeks ago, I saw five turnovers in a game against a bitter rival.
-I once saw a team have to win a game against Louisiana-Lafayette on a blocked punt.
-I once saw a team get into a shootout with Furman. Furman. FUCKING FURMAN!
-I've seen an offensive coordinator call a dive play three times in a row and then punt.
-You ever seen a man get eaten alive? I did once. When a true freshman quarterback started on the road against a #1 ranked LSU.
-You ever hear the urban legend about a team holding another team to 95 total yards of offense and losing? It's true. I've seen it with my own two eyes. Two years ago against a team from Tallahassee. Most horrifying goddamn thing I ever done seen.
-I was once forced against my will to watch Clay Burton try to catch a pass. I still wake up at night in a cold sweat when I think about it.
-Ghosts are real. I've seen 'em. They've been playing on Florida's offensive line for about four years.
-They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. The screams I hear coming from the insane asylum every time Trey Burton takes a snap, fakes the handoff and runs up the middle are haunting.
-I've had to pray to a higher power that a tight end who played a little quarterback would be the starting quarterback for the remainder of a season over a guy who's played quarterback his whole life.
-Everyone who watched the 2011 Auburn game died within five days.
-I've been reduced to believing 24 points is a phenomenal day of offense. I drink heavily during the day and cry at night.
-You would think scoring 8 points versus a Dan Mullen coached team would be a given, but you'd be wrong. Oh, how wrong you'd be. One simply cannot walk into a home game and expect such a bounty of points.
-Charlie Weis.
Courtesy of The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman